Twas the night before Christmas
And all through my tribe,
Not a toddler was stirring due to a bribe.
The stockings were hung by … nothing.
We don’t have a chimney so I just hid them under our tree
With the hopes that St. Nicholas and my family would agree.
My child was nestled all snug in his bed …
After I read four books, recited the Three Bears, made one more trip to the bathroom, changed blankies and then threatened to tell Santa he only wanted socks. I then promised him candy for breakfast.
And Daddy in his boxers and I in my …
Same clothes I’ve had on all day. I haven’t had time to change into PJs yet.
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
It was the neighbor’s cat tearing into the trash that contained a poopy diaper so now there’s garbage all over the front porch.
Away to the pantry I flew like a flash
To grab a new bag and clean up the trash.
The moon on the breast of the new fallen snow …
That’s not snow. It’s freaking toilet paper all torn up and is blowing around. FML
When what to my wondering eyes should appear
Another dang Medflight by Chesterfield near.
But I love me some pilots, especially those guys,
So I stood there to watch 1st responders fly by.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
My husband whistled and shouted and called my name.
Hey Babydoll, get in the house!
Now honey, now darling, now babe and Dee … whoa
He’s just trying to sweet talk me into fixing him a sandwich.
On bread, On toast … ham, mustard and cheese.
Top off my beer and bring it here please.
Now dash away, dash away … I didn’t do any dashing, trust me!
As leaves that before the wild hurricane fly …
Well, that was a quick trip.
Medflight is already flying back over our house,
It’s a chore keeping my kid in bed but I try.
And then in a twinkling, I heard on the roof …
How can one child sound like forty squirrels doing the Macarena upstairs?
Down the stairs came my toddler with a great big bound.
He was dressed warm from his head to his toes,
But now he’s all wet to add to my woes.
A couple of toys he had in his hand …
So when I tried to change him he threw a huge fit and knocked over my drink, just grand!
He was so mad that … his eyes threw daggers,
Which I dodged and laughed like Mick Jagger.
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry.
Gingers turn really really red when they’re angry, go figure.
My husband’s mouth full of ham and chomping on cookies …
His beard catches all, now he looks like a wookie.
His face was just beaming and he shook his head,
Walked over to me and kissed my cheek instead.
I laughed when he did that in spite of myself.
A wink of his eye and twist of his head,
Signaled my toddler to hurry and go get into bed.
Actually he just stood there and asked to play on the iPad.
The hubs spoke not a word
And went straight up the stairs to tuck in our toddler without any cares.
Yea, it’s not fair that he goes right to sleep for daddy and it takes me an hour.
Laying on the couch with my nose in a book,
I knew I’d pay for this, I’d be on the hook.
And away the time flew like a one day vacation,
Soon there would be a night night situation
But I heard him exclaim as he shut the door softly
Merry Christmas dear wife …
You’re my little Hottie
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