I’m about to totally out myself here and I don’t care. Sometimes a mom has to do what a mom has to do. I’m going to tell you some dirty little secrets your friends don’t want you to know.
1. Their closets are a Bermuda Triangle.
They hold what you don’t wanna deal with, or let visitors over for company to see, plus some shoes. That’s what they’re made for though, to keep all the junk out of the way. I say stack it as high as you can, who cares?
2. Please don’t use the microwave.
Unless you’ve been specifically directed to nuke something, they don’t want you to see all the Spaghetti O’s that are dried to the sides. This kind of thing always seems to happen 30 minutes before company arrives. With these kind of statistics, why clean it?
3. Don’t look in the Stove or dishwasher.
If it’s a supper party or you’ve been assigned to washing dishes (God forbid, Ha!) don’t look, they might be storing dirty pots, pans or other kitchen items in there. My mother-in-law was proud of her dishwasher storage, so maybe it’s not really a big deal.
4. Her en suite bathroom is off-limits.
This is the one room in the house you probably won’t be invited to tour. Give her a break, it’s been 4 months since it was properly cleaned anyway, so use the guest bath. Oh, if you’re a cleanaholic, please come to my house and feel free to help me clean 🙂
5. If you need to ride in her car, beware.
She’s going to completely forget to mention that her kid and dog both barfed in the same seat you’ll have to sit in. But, don’t fret too bad, she cleaned it up with a baby wipe and empty cookie wrappers. It’s dry, get over it.
6. No, her outfit isn’t new.
Don’t ask her out loud if she’s wearing new clothes because that’s all she needs is a spouse or kids catching wind that she actually bought something for herself. She’ll tell you about any new purchases in private.
7. The scale is NOT just a number.
Unless your BFF is already a size 4 she wants to be skinnier than you. You’ll never hear her say this, but it’ll be something, if true, she’ll never want you to know. I can hear the “I don’t think that” right now! Suuuurrre you don’t!
8. She wishes you would call her and say that she’s bringing over a bottle of wine AND a baby sitter.
Any way to woman’s heart is getting her a baby sitter and girl-time with a best friend. But remember she wants it to be your idea. Reaching out for help is not always as transparent as saying the actual words. We all feel special when someone goes out of their way to spend time with you.
9. Going out to eat is fun but there’s a catch.
If you do go out and you gorge yourself on a huge meal and lots of fruity drinks, she may not eat anything the next day hoping to counter-act all the calories. She wants to party with you but she doesn’t wanna gain weight. Or judgement.
And last but not least is:
10. They may have hidden a box of ice-cream sandwiches under some frozen peas.
Don’t judge because we all had that one favorite box of frozen delight that we weren’t sharing with anyone, not even our spouse. Maybe it was a bag of chips or Dove Bars, whatever it was , they hid it from everyone including you so they could enjoy it in peace. And if you must know, it was klondike brand, they’re delicious!
There ya go, ten dirty little secrets your friends don’t want you to know. Maybe they haven’t done any of these things. They might not be guilty of all of them, but I betcha there’s at least one they can’t deny.
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Are any of these your dirty little secrets?